Thursday, 19 February 2015

Kesilapanku,, Keegoanmu...

#KesilapankuKeegoanmu#
Wrote by :Arissya Aygpinky
On Thursday, 12 February, 2015
20.56pm
sww.eisyaumaira2204.blogspot.com

I'm never gonna brokedown.
Entah.
Susah saya nak huraikan semua kekusutan dalam hidup saya . Satu persatu saya handle, n tanpa saya sedar satu persatu itulah,, ianya datang balik tanpa diduga. Kadangkala saya rasa sudah terlalu letih untuk  hadapi semua nie, biarlah saya pendam semuanya sampai  hujung nyawa saya.
Biarlah orang hanya memandang yang hidup saya ceria berbagaii, n cerita duka yang penuh dengan seribu satu titis airmata itu biarlah saya pendam.
Plzzzz, saya tak perlukan kasih or simpati orang
semata-mata .
Sesungguhnya,,
I know how to take care of myself.
I'm independent..
Biar sekusut manapun, biarlah seraban mana, sesusah mana pun hidup saya, akan saya hadapi sendiri dengan tenang hati.
Entahlah .
Saya sudah kehilangan
kata-kata sebenarnya .
Saat ini,,
Dalam hati saya sentiasa punya tanda soal,,
"betul ke apa yang saya buat nie?
Betul ke??
Setakat ni saya rasa belum ada yang salah lagi. Kesalahan saya yang lalu tu dah lama lepas, nak di ungkit pun tak mampu untuk mengubah ape-apa rasanye. Sudah terlalu letih untuk saya  fikirkan apa yang terjadi. Saya cuma memerlukan seseorang yang ada di sisi saya untuk "mendengar",, untuk menghargai kasihsayang saya.
Saya taknak dia berfikir" apa yang saya perlu buat",
nanti jadi macam tak ikhlas, jadi macam mengungkit.
Just tepuklah dada,, tanyalah diri sendiri.
Tapi kadangkala saya rasa macam saya nie kerja part time.
Bila dia perlu,, anytime boleh call, bila taknak saya mati pun tak perlu nak ambil pusing.
Betul,
life goes round and round and round, tapi setiap round tu kita seringkali jumpa benda yang sama.
Kadangkala saya terfikir,, Yang saya nie sememangnya tak diperlukan, atau hanya sekadar diperlukan kala perlu?
Serupa kerja part time la macam tu kan?
Sesungguhnya dah terlalu letih nak hadap smua nie.
Entah. Saya tak tahu kenapa, dalam diri saya sudah semakin terasa. Betul,, meresap tak meresap, tapi meresap jugak la dalam jiwa saya. Saya paling takut dengan rasa yang ada dalam kepala nie, dalam minda saya, yang bermain dalam hati saya .
Sumpah saya dah tak tahu nak buat camner dah,
just go with the flow.
Saya rasa tercabar bila dikaitkan dengan benda masa lalu, dan hakikatnya saya pun ada akal,ada hati dan ada perasaan untuk merasa sakit. Saya taknak bila sampai satu tahap saya punya rasa BENCI, kerana benda yang oranglain tak suka, saya pun tak suka,tapi benda itulah kehidupan yang akan saya buat.
Masa tu jangan ada erti penyesalan,
Sekarang nie saya masih lagi menimbang tara, mana yang harus saya buat, mana yang terbaik. Semuanya terletak dalam tangan dia dan saya .
Entah. Saya tak suka nak susahkan orang. Biarlah saya susah sendiri tapi saya takkan membebani dia . Tapi kadangkala orang sedikit pun tak hargai kasihsayang kita.
Kadangkala dah macam pasir tepi jalan, tak diendahkan langsung. Saya pun manusia, punya hati,
punya naluri,cuma untung nasib saja yang mungkin berlainan.  Entah la.
I'm broke and I'm down, but I'm never gonna brokedown.
Tunggu je lah...
Tapi...
betul la orang kata,,,
Life is not easy, not all the time
It's not every time and everything about being so lucky.
It's not that God doesn't love us.
And,
Everyone needs to face test.
Because we will never know how is it like to feel Beyond happy if we never know understand what is pain.
Allah is fair, because HE loves us no matter what.
Not Everyone is going to love us,,
Understand us,,
Think Good about us. Be there for us all the time.
To be honest, we can't do that too.
There's always a fight between nafs and Iman.
Do the best..and Remember Allah.
Eyes, Mouth, Ears , Nose, Hands, Legs, Mind, Heart.
Everything...
Things Just Happen.
Yes some hurt .
But that's the purpose.
As that's how we learn to appreciate people , and what we have.
Don't over think and keep counting what we don't have and what people have.
Some people do have it because, that what's best for them.
There's always the best for us.
What we have today.
As how we see, we have weakness.
So does anybody else.?
As how we see people have specialness.
So do us.
Destiny , Taqdir .
Yes Allah has written it for us.
But, it's actually what path do we choose.
How we handle things.
What decision we made.
People just can talk. people just can say.
But it's our Amanah to takecare of what Allah has given, we are just borrowing.
Our job to take care of ourselves. Fitnah,
The best as we can to prevent to people... to us.
Do the best, and let Allah settle the rest.
Obviously, shaytan is everywhere.
Nafs is always in our heart.
Anyone's heart.
So we actually can't stop people from thinking/talking negatively.
Am I right???
But always keep people's aib.
Allah will keep our 'aib, in this world and In shaa Allah.. Here and after....
But...
As long as we breath, it's never too late to turn back, to HIM.
As long as the heart beats, there's always a chance.
It's okay and "HE" knows.
We cry, we get mad,
we feel extremely insane.
Mixed Feelings.
It's okay. We ARE human.
And guess what?
TURN BACK TO HIM. Regardless time, place.
Always be nice.
Always be good. Nothing to lose.
HE shall give the best. To you, me, us.
Just hold On.
Just keep praying.
When the time comes,
MIRACLE do HAPPENS.
Love,
[Eisya umaira]

"Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah."
[Surah Al-'Imran ; 159]

And one thing , I remind myself everyday,
If everything is easy, it's not LIFE....
Jazakallah
www.eisyaumaira2204.blogspot.com
 

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